Why Narcissists Don’t Care
Sometimes, you’ll meet people that just don’t care about anything other than themselves. They don’t care if you get hurt or if the world falls apart, all that matters is that they stay happy and content.
In the study of psychology, people who see themselves as the most important and have an extreme lack of empathy for anyone else are called narcissists. Psychologists classify this long-term pattern of behaviour as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
People diagnosed with NPD constantly think of their own superiority over others, consider themselves to be very special and desirable, need excessive admiration, tend to be very exploitative of others, and lack empathy. They also seek to build relationships with people that will benefit them.
The pressing question is what makes people act like this?
What causes them to stop caring about others?
In truth, there is no single, clear answer. Scientists have studied the disorder and have concluded that lack of empathy in Narcissistic Personality Disorder is down to multiple factors interacting with each other. For normal, healthy development, children require a positive and healthy environment. Parental guidance is important from a very young age because it helps foster empathy.
Even though empathy is not constant and is highly variable depending on the context, its development is necessary to allow successful relationships. One reason psychologists think a lack of empathy exists in those with NPD is that they were never taught how to empathise. For proper development, children need their caretakers to empathise with them and value them. Children are usually admired and treated kindly, leading to them developing empathy as they get older.
A lot of theorists including Dr. Shawna Freshwater, a clinical psychologist, believe that those with NPD weren’t understood or admired by their caretakers as children. They may suffer developmental arrest because they were never shown empathy in their childhood. Dr. Freshwater explains that there are at least 2 facets of empathy.
There is cognitive empathy, which is understanding what the other person may be thinking or feeling. Narcissists have this ability. The second facet is affective or emotional empathy which allows us to feel how others are feeling along with them. While narcissists are able to infer and understand how you may feel, it’s believed that they lack the ability to feel along with you.
The fact that they can manipulate others is a great indicator of their ability to understand others’ feelings.
Another theory for why narcissists “lack” empathy is that everything comes down to self-preservation. Empathising with others can require us to explore emotions that aren’t necessarily pleasant. There are a lot of negative things that our brains hold onto and when we’re asked to empathise with someone else, we have to access all those negative things.
Some studies suggest that one of the worst feelings to explore is shame. It is thought that instead of exploring feelings that will make them feel bad about themselves, narcissists choose to stop feeling at all. They prefer to keep away from any trauma or shame that may live in their unconscious, preferring to protect their minds instead. In situations where they would have to empathise, they feel vulnerable and helpless, going back to their coping mechanism.
Psychologists believe NPD may be passed down as well. Other reasons include childhood abuse, over involvement of parents, unreasonably high expectations from parental figures, and cultural influences.
At the end of the day, narcissists require us to make a little effort to understand why they may express themselves the way they do. Developmental disorders can be tough to unpack and it’s important that therapy and help is found in order to live a happy and full life.
Have you ever had an experience with a raging narcissist? Let me know in the comments below.
Sources:
https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder#causes
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9742-narcissistic-personality-disorder
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder/
