What will you say on your deathbed?
For many years we have seen various sources of data and studies by researchers asking patients in palliative care about their biggest regrets in life and today I will run through 5 of the most common ones.
1. I wish I didn’t work so hard
An unusual one, as I often find myself feeling a sense of pride around how hard I work. Almost like its a badge of honour.
But as I write this, I recognise swiftly that it’s not healthy and the law of diminishing returns in terms of productivity is always ever-present.
But I then battle and persuade myself, that I am fighting a generational curse. Coming from humble beginnings, it sometimes takes an individual to change the way things were always done and more often than not, this means doing something that has never been done before.
For myself, it was investing in property to allow me the time freedom to spend with loved ones. Yet the irony behind this is that I probably spend less time with them chasing these goals.
I too am guilty of burying my head in my work with the sole focus to improve the lives of those I love, whilst simultaneously recognising that in doing so, I am not even in their lives.
A painful truth this post reminds me of.
2. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I had a strange feeling this would make the list as one of the biggest joys in my own life stems from my friends. A chosen family is how I view my friends and it was actually a friend of mine who really brought this thought to light when he reminded me that we could potentially only have a handful of visits left in person if we aren’t careful.
Of course, this was before lockdown became a thing, further reducing the number of visits between myself and my friends.
The problem we face is, we often go into auto-pilot mode and let friendships fade over time. We cancel a plan or two, something I am guilty of doing many times and promise ourselves next time we will make up for it.
Well, this as many of you may be able to agree with can soon become a habit.
One day, you or your friends will be gone and I would hate for you to think, I wish I made more of an effort.
3. I wish I chose happiness.
This one makes me sad.
I speak often about this on the Find Your Voice Podcast, that we actually can choose happiness. I am not on about the toxic self-help 24/7 positivity traits many people possess either. But I am speaking about the macro level of happiness which surrounds choices we often do not make and then regret.
The choice to follow a career you love, rather than the one your parents asked you to do.
The choice to be yourself, unapologetically, rather than people please.
The choice to live life on your own terms, rather than those handed down to you from cultures before our time.
These examples are not uncommon and I had to break each of these myself to truly take control of my own life and happiness.
Now am I always happy? No.
But I am happier knowing the decisions I made, were my decisions and I have the ability to change them at any given time.
I hope this post inspires you to do the same.
4. I wish I stopped comparing myself to others
A perfect segway to include my favourite quote of all time:
”Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt
To live a life, observing and comparing with another life, that you never truly know about, is a disservice to the gift of your own. We will simply waste our own life if we fixate on the life of other human beings.
One of the things I am truly proud of is my ability to never compare my life with those around me. If you are familiar with the term relative deprivation, then I have at least mastered my own mind into not falling victim to this.
I compare only my yesterdays with my today's and this has been the single biggest win of my life to date.
5. I wish I took more chances
We often fear failure or rejection so much it causes us to do nothing. The possibility of landing flat on our face is the reason we never truly experiment all the possibilities in the world.
That girl you had a crush on growing up but never asked out? Could that have been your soul mate?
Well, you‘ll never know.
That audition you wanted to try out for? Could it have been your big break?
Well, you’ll never know.
And I could go on and even speak about how we also don’t take risks because we worry about the opinions of others. Trying a new venture only for it to flop means people may find out and this thought alone, that hasn't even actually happened, cripples us and stops us from ever trying in the first place.
Yet, we all know the most successful people in the world, at least in terms of what we see on social media and according to the Forbes rich list have failed more than anyone else.
Think about that.
Concluding thoughts
Now if you’ve made it this far, I would really hope something above made you think differently about the way you are choosing to live. Yes, you have a choice to change your life as of today, as of reading this post.
So with that, if today was your last day; “What will you say on your deathbed?”
