How to make others feel good about themselves?
What is the 1 thing that is better than feeling good about yourself?
Easy, making others feel good about themselves.
Now of course, if we reflect on that for a second, the act of simply making others feel good will indirectly make you feel good about yourself, making it a win-win situation.
But how do we do it?
How do we make others feel good about themselves?
First and foremost we need to let people know they matter. Often a counter-intuitive thought when we think back to our childhood memories of reminders never to bother people too much. The idea of being a nuisance or burden upon others was always frowned upon, making us self conscious about how much time or attention we gained from others.
But growing up, one of the things I have certainly realised is that we all like to feel needed and wanted. An example that springs to mind, in my own experience, is when you have an argument with your someone.
In the midst of an argument, there comes a time where I request the other person to “leave me alone”, thinking that will be the resolution towards peace and ending the altercation. However, this only further aggravates the situation, as it often leaves me feeling worse as soon as they stop bothering me.
Now human psychologists will tell you that we all like to be fussed over and bothered from time to time. In fact, bothering and worrying about others is often one of the key determinants towards finding true fulfilment in our work. Often considered our purpose, we know that deep down, we gain more meaning and fulfilment from helping others than merely contributing towards our own needs. Even the notion of practising self-care and love on a daily basis is often prioritised so we can in return give more back to society, to others and in return contribute more towards a bigger goal.
Now for the personal development junkies amongst us, the notion of making others feel good about themselves was popularized in Dale Carnegie’s, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.
So here are some ways you can instantly start to make people feel good about themselves.
Ignore errors
How often have you corrected someone for saying something wrong? Or if someone has told you something, but later realised it was false and apologised, do you instantly become a ‘told you so person’ pointing out what should have been done?
The reason I mention these two examples is that I pride myself on never being Mr Hindsight. I believe we all do the best we can, with what we can and what we know, when we do it. Therefore it adds little value if someone has to apologise for something they likely wished had happened differently. Similarly, I often hear people recite tales of events that aren’t how I remembered it, or how they actually happened. I could interject and embarrass them in front of their peers, but what value would that truly bring? Of course, if ethics are at play its a different matter. But for general day to day mistakes, it is always a wise move to let people “save face”.
Ask about them
Funnily enough, this is what helps me the most with my podcast. I enjoy hearing about others, than I do about talking about myself. This makes my job easier than those who love to speak only about themselves, and get aroused at the sound of their own voices!
There is a magical benefit of making people feel heard and more interested in you, by simply asking about them and then listening. Sometimes you rarely have to say anything for the duration of the conversation, and you would have instantly built a rapport with the individuals, without saying more than a few words. I have done this, unintentionally, but I am aware it is now good practice for those who do not do it naturally.
The more you ask about someone, intently, specifically, the more they will feel cared about, and thus improving the way they feel about themselves.
Actions speak louder than words
As sincere as your text messages or WhatsApp direct messages are, actions will always triumph. Asking your neighbour to text if they need something, is a lovely gesture, but taking over some dinner or a cake because they’ve had a tough time, or celebrating an occasion is far more thoughtful and will increase their affection towards you.
This will also make them feel more special, wanted and needed.
Give Time
Give people some of your time. It may seem like buying a house, or fancy presents are the key to making your loved ones care about you more and feel good about themselves. But if one thing, growing older has taught me, it is time will always be our most cherished and important commodity.
Spending a few pounds is far easier than spending half a day with someone, as the opportunity cost to do other things are always at the back of your mind. Therefore when you are able to give time, whilst being present you will instantly make people feel better about themselves. Those memories will outweigh anything material you can offer.
Remember we all need to feel like we matter, or else we will start to lack a passion in our day to day life. So to not only make yourself feel better, let’s spend a bit of time helping others feel better about themselves.
Thank you for reading.
