6 Things you shouldn’t apologise for
Ever had someone bump into you and you find yourself apologising to them?
That was me!
You see throughout my life, I have found myself apologising for things that did not require an apology far too often. Sometimes it was down to habit, other times down to my own anxiety and overthinking and then the remaining times it almost became a cultural thing.
But 1 thing I have recently embarked on is a journey of improving the way I see myself, value myself and just increasing my own levels of self-respect. If at the very least, all you take away from this short post is an improvement in the way you see yourself and act, I will be smiling inside but should it not hit home, then to maintain the theme of this post I can’t apologise - sorry!
Doh!
And just like that even in the midst of writing this, I revert back to some habit of apologising for something I had no control over.
But what I want to share now is 6 things, that I believe we should never feel the need to apologise for. Let me know if these resonate with you or you can think of any more too:
Saying ‘No’ and feeling guilty?
“We must learn to normalise the word no without the need to explain ourselves and feel bad” — Find Your Voice
Saying No has single-handedly been the most difficult thing I have had to get a grip on in my life. You would think 2 simple letters forming 1 of our shortest words in the English language could easily just roll of your tongue right?
Wrong.
However, I truly believe providing you are not putting someone else in harm's way than declining an opportunity or request is entirely your choice and apologising for it should not be a thing.
You are not a bad person for putting yourself first.
2. Never apologise for dreaming big
What’s the point of life if you can’t dream how you wish too? Would you look down on someone if they had huge aspirations to change the world? Would you need an apology if someone wanted to change themselves for the better far beyond their current ability?
Of course, you wouldn’t.
Yet we often find ourselves convincing or attempting to persuade those around us or them that see us, about our dreams in an attempt to justify our thoughts and intentions.
This is not necessary and certainly something that does not require an apology.
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt
3. Never say sorry for sticking to your priorities
We must all learn to become guardians of our own choices. For it is our priorities and how often we adhere to them, that will be the biggest factor in how our life turns out. Often we apologise because we have something else to do, yet that something else could be the thing that lights you up, or the stepping stone to a future you have dreamt of for many years.
Remember everyone else has their own priorities they carry out and don’t apologise for, so why are you?
4. Ending a relationship that is beyond repair
If someone is hurting you over and over, without any signs of changing then it is time to let go. One of the things I am truly grateful for in life is my friends. I find friends to be the perfect ingredient towards the happiness equation. (A post for another day).
You see with friends, we often choose them and if we drift or decide to part ways there is never that awkward feeling of being bonded by blood or tied down due to family relationships that keep you hanging on.
In addition, with friends, the beauty is there is rarely an obligation to participate and it is more a choice of how you show up. I love this because if you value the friendship, then showing up is easy. However, if you are not gaining anything from a relationship, be that down to their behaviour, manipulation, abuse or that it’s a toxic one, on the whole, you are allowed to stop showing up.
What's even better is, you don’t need to apologise for putting your own wellbeing first too. If it doesn’t serve you, please move on.
there is a drawback of a relationship that keeps bugging your mind and heart, it can make you feel lazy over your dreams and goals. This is the better decision to get out of such a toxic relationship rather than suffering.
“We had more in common than I thought we did. You were my priority. You were your priority.”― Kate McGahan
5. If you don’t know the answer?
It is not necessary to be apologetic if this happens, but God knows I have apologised as many times as I have not known the answer. Learning something new is good practice and part of life. Everything we have learnt was once unknown. Can you imagine apologising before you ever asked every question to everything you wanted to know?
Try it next time you google search, for a day and you’ll drive yourself crazy!
6. When you ‘fail’ at something
There is not a day I can remember being alive where I haven’t ‘failed’ at something. Whether it's failing to give 100%, going to the gym, finishing of my to-do list, promising to eat healthier, drink enough water, I always technically fall short somewhere.
But I don’t beat myself up about.
I also reframe the way I speak and see myself too, especially with the word failure.
Using a simple reframe of a situation that you perceived as a failure, as a lesson instead is a healthier way to look at the situation.
Do you think an apology is required because you are trying to learn? Would you want your children or loved ones to apologise for trying to learn something?
Think about it.
Concluding thoughts
I hope at the very least this short post makes you look at your actions and even just take away one of the points in your daily life.
The next time you ‘learn’ a way not to do something, or choose to go to Yoga class rather than drinks with your peers, you don’t apologise but instead, smile at your amazing self….
